Randomized Prayer Does Not Promote Psychological Safety at a Church

Very early into my new job, I was invited into my first Senior Staff meeting. The big dogs. There were roughly 8, maybe 9 men, 1 female secretary, and me, the new, young, CD. At the conclusion of the meeting, one of the men asked me to pray. 

Now, from the outskirts, this may not sound strange. But let me explain why it felt strange. At that moment, completely caught off guard, I had to speak a prayer in the first meeting I’d ever been invited to, without any time to prepare. Prior to this meeting, no leader had considered my comfort level in team meetings, my beliefs, or simply asked me if I wanted to pray in a room of leaders where I was the newest attendee - let alone the youngest and {only} female. All at once, I was forced into a situation I did not want to be in. And because of truckloads of reasons and social dynamics that aren’t for this post (i.e. a male dominated world, religious upbringings, public speaking fears, the amount of vulnerability required, just to name a few), I couldn’t just say, “no thanks.” “I’m sorry, maybe next time,” wasn’t an option in front of these senior men who were THE leaders of the church. So I took a deep breath, and did the thing, despite how uncomfortable and nervous (read: intimidated) I was. Although I can laugh about it now, there are so many lessons to be learned from this experience.

My “uncomfortableness” was eventually shrugged off as a “growth opportunity” and a way to “grow in my faith.” Oof.

What is comfort in the workplace, anyway?

Short answer, it’s not necessarily psychological safety. Or is it? (Hang with me!) 

From that moment, I knew I was going to have to get really comfortable with the uncomfortable if I was going to thrive in this new role. But, was that really necessary? Besides, what is true “comfort” in the workplace, anyway? Sure, there’s something to be said for stretching yourself, leaning into and embracing moments you may not normally lean into, and ultimately growing from those scenarios. I am fully on board with growth and experiences like that. I still find it is a hugely valuable skill to be able to adapt to change and awkward situations. But, when that stretch comes at the cost of a blindsided and/or anxious employee, you know there’s a greater issue at hand.

Looking back, it’s easy to see how this was just one instance where prayer was used in a way that unknowingly promoted the opposite of a psychologically safe environment. (That’s a heavy statement, so let that sink for a moment before you continue.) When we consider psychological safety within a church environment, or any faith-based organization, it’s not necessarily equivalent to feeling “comfortable” or “uncomfortable” with a given situation. But rather, to what extent can someone speak up and say “no” and would that “no” be met with shame, guilt, or embarrassment? To what extent can someone voice their hesitation to a leader higher on the org chart? To someone with more klout, tenure, and spiritual prowess? And when those hesitations/concerns/opinions are voiced, are there consequences? Spiritually, if you decline to pray, is your faith not as strong as someone else’s? Are your concerns welcomed and met with the opportunity for a constructive conversation? Or are there repercussions for voicing concerns for a social norm that just doesn’t feel right? This, my friends, is the epitome of psychological safety within a church.

In the church world, there’s a longstanding joke surrounding the phrase, “volun-told”, where you didn’t actually volunteer, but were rather told to do something. Being asked to pray on the spot, in front of a group, is a lot like being volun-told. And your ability to actually say “no” to a request like this, is exactly where psychological safety comes into play.

If this experience only makes you think, “What’s the big deal with praying in front of people?” or, “What’s the big deal with a woman praying in front of a bunch of men?” You’re missing the point. Debating the theology behind it isn’t what this post is about. We even read in the Bible countless examples of corporate, group prayer, so one might assume you’d be asked to pray out loud at some point while employed at a church. Regularly participating in group prayer is one of the many blessings of working at a church in the first place. The catch is that the environment itself should feel safe enough to politely decline, and calling on someone at random to pray shouldn’t be the accepted social norm, for a myriad of reasons. (This can be made even more complicated by the fact that many church leaders themselves are extremely gifted public speakers with years and years of Biblical study under their belts and would not think twice about praying in a group setting.)

I was told on more than one occasion that, “As the CD, you of all people should feel comfortable speaking in front of the staff or praying during a meeting.” When in reality, public speaking is a major fear of mine. As much as I joke about it, it’s truly enough to make me start sweating days before. Spiders and public speaking are one and the same.

So what exactly is psychological safety?

Psychological Safety is a fairly new term to most of our vocabulary. Dr. Amy Edmondson first coined the phrase in 1999 and defines it as the belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes, and the team is safe for interpersonal risk taking. In other words, is it safe to speak up in your organization? Can you voice an opinion to a leader and not be fearful of consequences? Can you tell a leader within your organization, “I don’t feel comfortable with XYZ” and it not be used against you? Are opposing viewpoints welcomed or even encouraged?

If your {church} faith-based organization is operating from a posture of, “this is just the way we do things” or “that’s just the way it is”, it probably isn’t as psychologically safe as you might think. 

Much of our work at JSS is aimed at helping leaders create workplaces that are just better. And that means psychologically safe ones. We regularly practice it ourselves, so that we can better coach others. Building a psychologically safe workplace revolves a lot around trust, forgiveness and grace when mistakes happen, and a two-way street when it comes to communication. It has to be open both ways. None of this one-lane highway mess. Two open lanes, free of obstructions. 

Let’s add some levity. We could share several instances where one of us has flopped, like totally flopped, and instead of reacting with guilt, playing the blame game, or making the other person feel like a big fat stinky dum-dum, we’ve acknowledged it, worked through it constructively, and created a path forward, together. Like that one time I told John I thought we should boost a post on LinkedIn, so he took it upon himself to purchase likes from a click farm and our post ended up going viral in the Middle East. I may never let him live it down but we learned from our (his) mistake and worked through it, because #psychologicalsafety. Or, that one time I set up a QR code for a client, thinking it was an always-free QR generator, only to find out it was actually a 7 day free trial and now we suddenly owed $198. But it’s fine, everything is fine, and because we’d worked to build trust and an open rapport, I wasn’t as freaked out to call and be the bearer of bad news. Because why? Psychological safety. These may be silly examples, but hopefully the point comes across. The end goal, as a leader, should always be that your employees feel safe to make a mistake, and admit that mistake to you and to one another. If they don’t feel comfortable doing something, they should feel safe enough to bring it to your attention and propose a different solution. Leave the shame, embarrassment, and guilt behind.

At the heart of this story, is the reality that many church teams continue to live with a social norm that does not account for all the ways it can make employees feel unsafe. (Again, not just uncomfortable.) When leaders assume, without asking, that everyone feels safe, it creates an environment conducive to resentment, talking behind leaders’ backs, and ultimately a disdain for a practice meant to be anything but. A key to a psychologically safe environment, particularly at a church, is a strong sense of belonging. And when employees regularly feel anxious or uncomfortable, (or perceived to feel inadequate), that sense of belonging is easily shaken.

A lot of attention has been given to psychological safety and how it fits into most workplaces in the corporate world, but not a lot gets shared about how it fits into the church and faith-based world. And for good reason. These concepts are sure to ruffle some feathers and may even step on some toes. But know that sometimes psychological safety is also heart work. And sometimes heart work is hard.

There’s a lot of good in not knowing “how the sausage is made”, but once you’ve seen behind the curtain, it’s important to remember this one thing: church leaders are human too.

More to come.